Our Stories...
Clare Irwin
Place of Salvation: pip 'n' jayDate of Salvation: 00/02/2001
My Story
I was brought up in a Catholic home by strict yet loving parents. I had been taught about God but as time went on I started to doubt whether God ever visited the church I and my brothers were forced to attend every Sunday. I loved being out in the country and when I looked at natural beauty I felt sure that God had to exist. Where was he though? How did you get to Him?
As a teenager, I decided to do my own thing and I took up smoking and drinking in order to be accepted my peers. Around the time of my GCSEs, I went with a friend to the woods to have a sneaky cigarette behind my parents' backs. There were people in the woods drinking whisky and one of them forced me to have sex with him. My life took a serious downward turn at that point. I became very introverted and drank and smoked all kinds of things to make up for the pain inside.
I scraped into university and started to take party drugs and go out a lot. I had a good memory so I got a degree and then went on to do a teacher training course. Throughout this time I had had a string of boyfriends and I never seemed to be able to make a relationship work. I was desperate to find somebody who would love and care for me and actually want to stay with me!
I also wanted to find out whether God existed and if He did I wanted to know what He thought He was playing at - why was I so unhappy?
After a year as a teacher, I left the country and went to live in Spain - thought that the sun would make life more bearable. Whilst I was in Spain I was really depressed!
One night I had a dream about a man with shoulder length brown hair standing on a beach. He dived into the river flowing out over the beach and it was full of fish, so many fish that they were struggling to stay under the water. As the dream faded I saw the man's face fade out of focus, he had very beautiful eyes that seemed to see right into me. I woke up with the strange sensation that things were going to be OK.
I returned to England at the end of the year and found a teaching job in Bristol. I taught in a large secondary school and found my personal life became more and more depressing. I continued to drink a lot and I even got a second job in a bar on a Sunday night in the vain hope of finding a man.
One night a man came into the bar - he looked like a nice chap - I thought that he looked like a student. The following weekend I bumped into the same man in a night club. This time he was wearing a suit - I thought that he looked like a Romanian poet - he had to be foreign - who would wear a suit to the Lizard Lounge? I decided to go and speak to him to find out more. It turned out that he was a flashy advertising executive with a nice car and a collection of nice suits. We started dating each other but I secretly thought that he was far too good for me - he would probably bolt like the others had once he found out what I was really like.
One day in the car I heard myself say to him that I was never going to be happy or satisfied with life until I had found God. I expected him to tell me to get out, take my freaky ideas with me and not come back. He didn't. He said that he felt the same way - could we go find God together? We stopped the car and went int a country pub - my heart was so full I thought that it was going to burst - I knew in that instant that this man was from God. God was real! I remembered with a start about the dream I had had three years previously in Spain! I remembered the beautiful eyes and I looked at him. I nearly fainted - it WAS HIM!!!! The same eyes, long brown hair, only a little shorter. I discovered later that he had had it cut and it was shoulder length three years previously.
So, I then discovered that his parents were born again Christians and that they had been praying for a wife for their son, someone who would put God first.
We went to a church in Bristol and I listened to what the preacher had to say. He asked at the end if there was anyone present who wanted to know God. My hand went up. Yep. I wanted to know God!
I went to the front of the church and an old couple explained to me that the only way to get to God was through His son Jesus Christ. They showed me that the Bible says that ALL people have sinned (done things wrong). God's definition of sin includes lying, stealing, envying and judging others just to name a few of the things that you could indulge in that will shut God out of your life. They said that I needed to repent for the things that I had done. God was SO good that he could not get to me if there was any sin in my life - God hates sin because of the hurt that it brings to the people that He loves so much. They explained that Jesus, God's son came to earth to wipe away the effect of my sin - God's word in the Bible says that the wages of sin is death! Jesus died in my place! I did not fully understand what they were saying but in my mind's eye I could see a cross and felt a huge sorrow inside. What had I done??? My sad life and the hurt I had caused others seemed overwhelming. I knew that I had caused great hurt to not only other people but to the One who had made me, the One who loved me. Jesus Christ. I prayed with the couple and gave my life to Jesus. As I wept I knew that my old life had been removed from me. Everything felt knew and fresh and I wanted to tell everyone!! Jesus had forgiven me and given me a new life!! I felt like all the dirt and the shame was completely gone. I went out from that place and I started to tell people and I can tell you that I got some fairly mixed responses. Not everyone was as excited as I was.
Darrell and I got married six months later. Hooray! We went to Bible School and spent three years learning about this awesome God who can change your entire life in an instant. The things I have learnt from the Bible have shown me that life is all about God! If you do not know God you will never have any peace in your life - you will flounder around trying to find things that might make you feel worthwhile. It might be a university education, the perfect body, a dream home, lots of friends or a good career. Until you put God first and give your life to Jesus you will not even be scratching the surface of the blessed life that you could be living and when you die you cannot go to be with God because you will still be living with sin. God wants you to be with Him. He wants to speak to you personally. You can only connect with God through His son Jesus Christ. It grieves me that there are many earnest Muslims, Sikhs and Jews who are trying with all their might to be good and live good lives but they will not be acceptable to God until they accept that Jesus died for them and repent for the sin in their lives! They need to read this message!
I now live in a beautiful house and I am very happy. I thank the Lord every day for what He has done in my life. If you knew me ten years ago you would not reognise me now! I have peace and I respect myself. My marriage is a happy one - I love my husband I am looking forward to having our first child.My husband is a teacher at the Bible School and he runs a a marketing agency at the church. All I can say is that my story could be your story. Jesus died for ALL people and to seek that which was lost. That means you!